Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize