Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
