I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize