should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
