seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
