I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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