We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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