I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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