Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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