not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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