Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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