Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
