She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
