well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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