i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
