I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
