does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Let's get the cat blown out
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
