get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
