I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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