Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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