Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
