if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Your dad touched me again.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
