Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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