he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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