Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
