I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
