Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
