You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize