He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
