i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
