So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
