I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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