1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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