New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
