Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
