i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
