What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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