Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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