Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
