just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
