it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize