You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We are two peas in an std pod
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
