Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
