I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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