my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
