just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
As shirtless as possible
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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