...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
