she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
