Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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