He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
