ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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