ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
