he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
