Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
this just has baby written all over it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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