I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
