Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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