The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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