I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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