Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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