She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
