I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
