I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
