you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
