I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
