i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
