My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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