just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
The ass gains better be worth it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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