i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
