smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
