I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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