Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
