I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I FOUND THE LEGS
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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