On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
