I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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