I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
this hospital has no fireball
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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