just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
