im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
