I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Found the puke drawer
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
