last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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