Sober January is a disaster.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
