lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Welp...herpes.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
