I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
