So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
