I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
