My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
