Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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