I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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