just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
