I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
