Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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