I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
